pieces of me in music

Yesterday I spent several hours watching Flyleaf, Breaking Benjamin, and Three Days Grace perform. Must say, I loved it. However, due to foot issues, I was confined to the seating area and not my usual "among the mob" location - which significantly altered the experience. Thus I will have to repeat it when the next opportunity allows! Until then, here are my picks for the best songs from each of the three. Trust me, it has taken me all day to limit it to just these few videos. I've captioned the lyrics in each song that capture me so completely.

Three Days Grace - Pain

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me, I've got a plan
When the lights go off, you will understand

Three Days Grace - Home

I'll be coming home just to be alone
'Cause I know you're not there
And I know that you don't care
I can hardly wait to leave this place

No matter how hard I try you're never satisfied
This is not a home I think I'm better off alone
You always disappear even when you're here
This is not my home I think I'm better off alone

Breaking Benjamin - Sooner Or Later

Just call my name
You'll be okay
Your scream is
Burning through my veins

Sooner or later
You're gonna hate it
Go ahead and throw your life away
Drivin' me under
Leavin' me out there
Go ahead and throw your life away

Breaking Benjamin - Breath

So sacrifice yourself and let me have what's left
I know that I can find the fire in your eyes
I'm going all the way, get away, please

You take the breath right out of me
You left a hole where my heart should be
You gotta fight just to make it through
'Cause I will be the death of you

Flyleaf - I'm So Sick

Hear it, I'm screaming it
You're heeding to it now
Hear it, I'm screaming it
You tremble at this sound

You sink into my clothes
This invasion makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick

Flyleaf - All Around Me


(official version)

I'm alive
I'm so alive
I'm still alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Solid runner-ups that I couldn't help but mention:
Three Days Grace - Just Like You
Three Days Grace - Animal I Have Become
Breaking Benjamin - Forget It
Breaking Benjamin - Had Enough Sorry, this is a crappy video for this song, but look up the lyrics. I'm in loved with it "You greedy little bastard, you will get what you deserve"
Flyleaf - Again
Flyleaf - Fully Alive

learning lessons

So I may not be able to step off a skateboard or walk across ice without breaking my foot, but during these two experiences, here's what I found out I CAN do:

* Pedal a bicycle with one foot, and still text.

* Reach my toes without bending my knee or flexing my ankle.

* Pull myself out of the trash bin in the women's bathroom at Buckets when someone opened the door from the inside as I was pushing it open (doesn't sound difficult, but with only one usable leg, crutches flying everywhere, and giggling hysterically, IT IS).

* Sit at my desk at work 11 hrs a day with my leg resting on my desk, foot beside my keyboard, other leg properly resting on the floor.

* Push four laundry baskets full of folded laundry up 2 flights of stairs a week after surgery.

* Hop a child safety gate repeatedly throughout the day without taking it down, and do a better job of catapulting over it then most are capable of without crutches.

* Roll my chair at work like a go-kart to pretty much any area of the building that I need to get to.

* Walk a mile and half to the bar, get drunk, and walk a mile and half home. That's dedication. Mixed with several doses of stupidity and a heafty challenge to fate.



PS: I took these pictures just now. I turned the first into a charcoal sketch and the second I used a black and white feature but lightened it. Pretty snazzy eh? I gots some talent ;-)

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too tired for life

My toes have rolls in them. Literally. The poor lil buggers are bloated beyond belief. This has got to go away. I want to walk and skip and jump and run ... or at least kick someone in the ass if they deserve it. Maybe.





I'm actually tryin to move my toes in this picture. Graphically disgusting.




Fuzzy socks cuz it's negative two degrees outside! My poor foot. Ouchie! It looks like it doesn't belong on me.

I'm not very poetic tonight, not even a good story teller. Feeling just on the edge of a breakdown.


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invincible

Adelita's Way - Invincible

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWJCPXRxo2U&feature=youtube_gdata

This song pumps me up :)
Also, my first attempt at posting a YouTube to blogger from my iPhone.

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Green Day - 21 Guns

Where's the irony in this one: I HATE the cold metal of guns. Any gun. I LOVE this song. Love it. Makes me so emotional.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duTKDlPXCQg&feature=youtube_gdata

Kinda sucks to just have a link sitting there, but it's the best I can do right now.

Sent from my iPhone

lighter weight

I had a really nice post going, way more up-beat and softer than usual, but I left this application (oh the perks of an iPhone!) to reply to an interesting comment dialog, thinking that my draft had been saved and would be right here when I came back. Alas, it was not so. Instead I give you this:




Say hello to Mr Giant Assed Snowman! I couldn't help it. I made April stop the vehicle for some good ole snowman violating. As you can see, this was obviously taken when I could WALK -- about three weekends ago.

Three? Hmm, let's recount, I lose track oftime so quickly these days. Last weekend I was laid up from surgery. Weekend prior to that I was wasted at Halestorm show. Then the weekend previous to that ... YES, that was it! Teays Vein on Thursday, Good Night Gracie on Friday, and Sirface on Saturday. That's what I call a gooo-oood weekend.

April and I ran around Goshen and Elkhart carelessly that Saturday. Literally. At one point in time her and I ran in the street for a block because the sidewalk was under construction and we didn't want to cross to the other side. Simple solutions are no fun. What's life without a teeny tiny bit of haphazard recklessness?

Who really gets to define the real measure if teeny tiny anyway?




I violate snowmen; she conquers snow mountains. It's a win-win fun filled day.




Goofy me, can't go wrong with pink and green, right? I really dislike pink, but green makes it so much better. I should start a slide show of the silly shit I wear out for the night.

Oh and let me mention, because I know April did a blog on this outing but I know what she didn't include!! She went on a potty run while I stayed watch the table, and then it would be vice versa. She came back all too quickly with her "embarassed" face (we all know I'm MUCH more brash than she). She said the door was locked. I said impossible, there are two stalls inside and no lock on the outer door. She gave me *the look*. I got it ... some couple was being frisky - lucky bastards. Told her to wait five mins and go back. Both bathroom and bar room ettiquete mandate that all quickies be, well, quick, thus five minute would be ample time. She did not want to go back for round two, so I gallantly volunteered. I gave the door a shove and wouldn't you know, after five minutes they were still bunnies galore, him pushing her into the door. My door shove was hard enough to move her off the door, which wasn't my intentions at first, but then I just went with it and walked right in. "Fun times" I chuckled as I nodded and preceded to the stall.





Gotta love random bar idiots at different cities! Also must love actually being one of the random bar idiots, whether drunk or sober. It's my style. This one isn't me, but I couldn't resist. I will be chastised tomorrow for this - but you have the underwear joke to blog.
"No expectations"


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endless emptiness

Time creeps away with no moment left behind. Solitude wraps herself around my lonely shell. A few words, that's all I ever get from you, besides an emptiness that cannot be denied. Scarred and broken, limping from my hiding spot. Looking for the corner, a turning in my view.

Desolate park swings reflect my innerself; hanging motionless against the wind where love once showed her face. Few faint traces in the snow where one attempt did fail, leaves marks upon the open ground from lovers and their quarrels.

Emotions have no name for this feeling that I endure. Wasteland of my heart and mind come ripping to the edge; Acceptence overtaking Wrath, as her energy grows weak. Another time, another place, I would have carried on. Yesterday's tasks depleted me; I weathered through the storm.

When you find me I'll be stumbling across the rough terrains. If you're looking you won't see me; but you'll find me anyway. Pieces of the wounded me strung out for all to see. Collect them each, one by one, to put me on display. A lost and tattered, useless soul, set free another day.

lost passion

Where have you gone? Abandoned me? I was lost in desolation, for a moment. Maybe more, but not forever.

Warmth replecated as I hold myself into the night. Arms wrapped tight; sometimes caressing gently until my eyes begin to lull.

You are replacable, many times over. The passion that is lost from me is found again, in her soft arms, or his hot touch.

Time knows no boundaries when wrapped in lovers' bliss. Strangers but moments ago; Oh! How passion changes everything.

Nothing of my nature, and everything at once. Confusion as two sides prepare their arguments - already one has lost.

Bruises in the morning, covered with scarves, sleaves and paint. Flesh torn, lips swollen, limbs stiff and yet a small pleasure stolen.

Anger loses patience, and I move on so quickly. A tender side holds briefly, until overcome by the primal side of lust.

Roughened by night's cruel trick of promises, delicacy removes herself, releasing the ravenous beast.

Boredom ties with intimidation on the score board of my life. One cannot keep up with me, the other afraid to try.

I see which side has won you; hesitation triumps again. Your golden moment gone forever as I grow weary of this wait.

Instead a single night remains, burned into my memory - a tinder wood for future fires to feed my guiltless pleasures.


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