cinderella syndrome

They read you Cinderella;
you hoped it would come true.
That one day your Prince Charming
would come rescue you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beauty over wisdom
to fit in with their styles.
Your Cinderella story
.........for a price
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What are you doing?
Pushing buttons.
Why?
Because that is what I do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pretend
for a moment
that you know me

Pretend
for a moment
that you ever tried

Now,
wake the fuck up

You created yourself;
and I devastated myself.
You made it crystal clear
like muddy water.

Did you not know me from the start?
You thought you did.
You should have.
I am not that difficult.
I knew you.

Ego stands in the way of life.
Love doesn't stand a chance.

dark secrets

The bruises are on the outside now. For now, I can look at my reflection & SEE the lasting effects. I can watch as the days go by & the darkness fades. I can feel the physical pain coursing through my body, instead of the sometimes dull emotional throbbing or the often heart wrenching turmoil that has overtaken me the past few weeks.

You will not like to read this.

Closing my eyes, I can imagine that the throbbing through my face, neck & chest is the only real pain that I have; that the bruising that has transformed my body into a multi-colored platform effectively hides all other injuries - the injuries that seem unreal, imagined, intangible ... incurable.

It is my body. I will use it as I please. I am not here to please you, nor am I willing to sensor my words & actions. Do you want to see me as I really am?

Look again.

bring me down

... Or follow me down. I can't decide which way it is; I'm simply aware of the direction I am in. E was right. Who comes away from him unscathed?

Fucking people just don't get it. Don't get what I'm am capable of, what I truly have inside. All this fucking struggling. Finally someone I can feel open with. Feel connected to.

Again, left behind. Like I said he would. But no, he reassured, never. Always & forever.

Blindsided by my mistakes. When will I get it? Better yet, when will someone else GET it? My strengths are NOT my weakness. I will not allow you to tell me who I am. Just like I do not allow him to. It IS me in control.

I am not the one who struggles with identity. I am simply the one who suffers for it. I have known all along, have been fucking honest, brutally honest. I have allowed you in.

I AM ready for this. YOU are not. And yet you place the blame on me. Open your eyes. That makes you no better than the issue. That does not leave me as the dishonest one.

I'll take that blame, since you can't carry it. What's one more burden to bear? What's one more brick in the wall? One more shadow to darken my way? I'll stumble through darkness, because I have seen what it looks like in the light.

I was comfortable in my darkness, and yet finding my way out. The struggles that you hold tucked away in your mind are ever present, ever looming, dark & burning. Possibly, you were looking for an answer that I would not give you, so you gave it yourself? Scared that our differences would get in the way? Thus ended it already. I hate life. Now you see why.

You are different from anyone else? No, you are the same. You would never walk away? You just did, with such ease. My worries were unfounded? Insightful.

Empty.

shadows...

...of reality

I found this poem on another blog and snatched it. Only after leaving a gracious comment, of course. It speaks to me in such a way that words do not do justice. It is proof that there is romanticism in strength & independence. That today is the moment to cherish, while keeping yesterday in mind & tomorrow in a fuzzy focus. Read it. Does it speak these things to you? And more...?

After a While
by Veronica A. Shoffstall

After a while, you learn the subtle difference Between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
And futures have a way of falling down in midflight.
After a while, you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure.
That you really are strong.
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn...
With every goodbye,

you learn