Monday, April 5, 2010

undoing me

You can ingnore this one, as you've usually done. I said I gave up hope. I lied. I tried. A small piece lingers on. I snuff it out, you see, every night I drown your memory. In ways you don't approve, sometimes just to spite you. I don't understand. Yet I know it all too well. I fight for nothing, asking why you held on at all. Walking away months ago could have spared me endless agony. You held tight that puppet string. Effortlessly the slightest touch and I come running, giving up who I am. No one should give up who they are. But the me I have become is not the me I was meant to be, not the me I want to be. It is easily given up, just give me that reason. You don't see that. You only see me in the light you wish to see. I was nervous. I'd heard so many things. Hearing is not seeing. Seeing you, I knew differently, yet stood ground warily. Somethings were true. Why do you fight them alone? I know why you do. You think your decisions bring you down, that you're strong enough to change life on your own. You look for answers that don't exist. You look in places that others tell you to believe in. You want to change yourself for her, who ever she may be.

Sometimes I wish I could take things back, foolish mistakes. This weekend was not a foolish mistake. It was not a takeback.

I will continue to write to you, until you tell me to stop. The friendship will not suffer. Your thoughts of me will though, as I will tell you everything. You will not want to hear it. Judge me with your self richeous words. Tell me to stop.

Give me a reason to be somebody else. Give me the only reason I'm looking for.

-- Post From My iPhone