Top 5 reasons why the neighbors hate me:
5. I come home at all hours of the night, every night of the week, and sometimes have to crawl into the window to my room if I forgot my key.
4. I am routinely picked up by one vehicle and then dropped off by another, usually guys. Sometimes I might turn right around and leave yet again, with yet another new vehicle. Don't judge, I have lots of friends.
3. I leave my truck at home then walk or ride my bike to work. While that alone is more exercise than most of the schmuks in my neighborhood, I also jog several laps around the addition. That in itself is not so bad as the fact that I still wear the same exercise get-up that I wore in high school ... 11 years and 60 pounds ago. It's not flatterring these days.
2. I don't have blinds or curtains on my windows. Sometimes I forget this. My room is on the corner of the house, with windows on both outer walls. I sleep naked and am prone to getting up to walk across the room to get my clothes before I remember that I could probably be grossing out the neighbors. Oooops.
1. We have a pool in the backyard. When it's not overrun with munchkins, I take it over. My pool time activity: obnoxious music blaring from my Crackberry while I heave myself around in a hardcore 'dancing' fashion, singing (mostly just grotesque yelling) along with the music. Just picture a cow having speed seizures in a 4ft backyard swimming pool; that's me, minus the four utters & black/white spots. Oh did I mention that I do this in my underwear? I refuse to buy plus sized swim wear so until my hard work & exercise pays off...
I have no doubt that if it hasn't happened already, I will be on youtube one day. Be kind and drop me a line if you find it first. : )~
The Tao of unsaying
3 months ago