Sunday, June 28, 2009


Top 5 reasons why the neighbors hate me:

5. I come home at all hours of the night, every night of the week, and sometimes have to crawl into the window to my room if I forgot my key.

4. I am routinely picked up by one vehicle and then dropped off by another, usually guys. Sometimes I might turn right around and leave yet again, with yet another new vehicle. Don't judge, I have lots of friends.

3. I leave my truck at home then walk or ride my bike to work. While that alone is more exercise than most of the schmuks in my neighborhood, I also jog several laps around the addition. That in itself is not so bad as the fact that I still wear the same exercise get-up that I wore in high school ... 11 years and 60 pounds ago. It's not flatterring these days.

2. I don't have blinds or curtains on my windows. Sometimes I forget this. My room is on the corner of the house, with windows on both outer walls. I sleep naked and am prone to getting up to walk across the room to get my clothes before I remember that I could probably be grossing out the neighbors. Oooops.

1. We have a pool in the backyard. When it's not overrun with munchkins, I take it over. My pool time activity: obnoxious music blaring from my Crackberry while I heave myself around in a hardcore 'dancing' fashion, singing (mostly just grotesque yelling) along with the music. Just picture a cow having speed seizures in a 4ft backyard swimming pool; that's me, minus the four utters & black/white spots. Oh did I mention that I do this in my underwear? I refuse to buy plus sized swim wear so until my hard work & exercise pays off...

I have no doubt that if it hasn't happened already, I will be on youtube one day. Be kind and drop me a line if you find it first. : )~

Monday, June 22, 2009

stupid mind

I tried to make amends, we both made a goof. You told me it was in my head, so I wrote you off. Deleted your name. Deleted your number. Deleted your friendship. I don't need this.

Tonight you texted. I warily texted back. Conversation is so easy with you, proceed so seemlessly. Yet you're blowing me off again because it took me longer than you liked for me to text back?

I called to smooth it over, against my better judgment. Again we're on good terms. A woman asked a question, a gave an answer only to find my line dead. You hung up b/c I wasn't paying attention to you for a second?

Yet you ask ME if it's that deep? I don't need your games. I find myself appologizing when I shouldn't even be glancing backwards.

I want to say to you, do you know how many are in line? Waiting? Wanting? But that is ridiculous & means nothing.

You are history. What little part of my mind, ego, or heart that may be involved is only that, a very little part. You were right to say that I didn't give you enough. I didn't. There was no reason to.

Honestly, I doubt there ever will be. For anyone.

Monday, June 15, 2009

explain this one

<--------- This guy picked my profile off a dating site last week. I'm going with the theory that this is a Halloween costume? Yes maybe? It's the only picture he has posted, so who knows. I'm intrigued enough to hold a few conversations through text messages. Literally, after a mere four days time he texts me that he's deleting my number because I am weirder than he is. Seriously? How does this shit happen to me? I wasn't even being weird!! I was being normal, or at least so I thought. Damn. Oh hell, he might have read my blog. That could explain it......

Sunday, June 14, 2009

no commercialization

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning grey
Your Guardian Angel
by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus


Today, I waxed my lip while driving my '92 Dodge Dakota pickup down I65 at 75mph. Only I am that talented. Or retarded.


I got dumped from a relationship I didn't even HAVE. Who does that honestly happen to?? Oh yes, ME.

Let me explain, sort of.... Last month I got a number from a nice looking gent at a local pub I frequent. A mere two days later he became a friend with benefits, cuz let's face it, when you're not getting any, it doesn't hurt to have a friend. I thought we were pretty clear, feelings mutual, neither of us were interested in a relationship, but we both wanted/needed sex. Who doesn't??

Apparently I was too closed off emotionally. He got upset because I didn't smother him with time and attention. Um, that becomes a relationship, right? Seriously, he got mad at me because I only came over for sex. Follow along, isn't that the whole intention of a fuck buddy?? As always, I'm lost.


Yes. I'm publishing this. I don't care how stupid it makes me look. This is my blog, for my benefit. No censorship. I feel like I have to refresh that idea sometimes. Besides, it blows this post all to hell.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

boobs again?

* I dare you to tell me to walk through fire *


I went to the movies the other day to see Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Excellent movie. I laughed. I cried. Mostly I remembered why I have a *fuck love* philosophy. I have also determined that I am Connor Mead's female equivalent. I totally agreed with all his rules & ended up chuckling through most of the movie as I recalled performing some of those very same moves, with exactly the same results.

After the movie neither of us wanted to use the theatre restrooms, so we traipsed giddily across the plaza the use the mall facilities. Along the way we discussed the hitches in our choices of relationships through the ways. She actually asked me what I look for in a guy for a relationship. Yeah hello...
me = ass backwards in guy world
Don't we all know this already??

*somehow* this turns into talking about my boobs. I wonder, is there ever a conversation where my boobs don't play a prominent role? Um no. Oh yes, I remember how we got on the subject of my lovely bodice, I caught my dear special friend checking herself out in the reflections of the store front windows. Huh. Anyway, the moment I call her out on it she retorts, "yeah, well you're in love with your boobs." Approxamitely 7 pairs of teenage boys eyes land directly on my chest .02 seconds after she delivered that line. Have I mentioned she has impeccable timing?

And yes of course, now that she mentions it, I do check out my own boobs, and yes I love them.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

smiling alone

I walked downtown tonight. I stood on the plaza as the band beat their tunes into the evening. I watched across the street as the fireworks from the ball game illuminated the night sky. I felt the coarsing notes of music combined with the booming fireworks. I stood alone. And I smiled.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


I dreamed a dream
I was floating in the sea
bobbing for apples
In an ocean of only pears

I dreamed a dream
I was walking in the dark
I tried to reach you
a scream stopped me short

Is there nothing but ridiculous dreams and darkness? A "you" that doesn't exist yet traipses through the clouds wafting into my head, tripping on reality.