Thursday, May 28, 2009

tmi from me to you

Random conversation, because you know you wanna read this.

April & I are waiting for our friend Belinda to join us at Deer Park tonight. Apparently we are growing. Sweet!

So as we're waiting... we're talking. About a certain someone. I don't have a someone to talk about, but she's talking. And bites her lip seductively. And bats her eyelashes dreamily.

Did I mention we are the only two females, beside the bartender Caitlyn, and there are several HOTT guys sitting around?

"Please don't bite your lip and bat your eyes at me. Guys are looking."
She laughs. I laugh. She pauses giggling long enough to say, "not all is lost."
"Yeah. I know."
.... she stares blankly ...
"Some guys are turned on by that"
"I can't believe I'm a part of your shenanigans."


While choosing what to wear out tonight, I grabbed a black halter top that I haven't worn since last fall. It's dressy. Silky.
I normally wear a strapless bra with it. There's simply no way to wear a regular bra and let's face it, for the prior 10 years, my girls have been way too big to go without some support. On a whim I tried it on without a bra... It worked! And it looked so DAYUM good. Except for one wee tiny little thing....

The fuzzies. I have waxed my armpits but I jumped the gun and I did it sooner than the recommended 21 days of growth so not EVERY lil hair has been pulled. I can probably count 10 under each arm. I told April this and she squinted her eyes with tears.

I also mentioned that I'm wearing my chicken suit.

Let's clarify this one.
I have some chubby issues. On the days that I want to feel, well, not chubby & jiggly, I wear a tummy tamer that goes from knee to pretty much bra line. It sucks everything into place, as much as possible that is. My daughter once saw me putting it on & she declared it looked like a chicken suit. Thus it was so.

Before I can finish telling her that I'm wearing my chicken suit, she says, "Yeah, I know."
.... I paused perplexed ...
"You know?"
"Yeah. I can tell."
The conversation ensued as I attempted to determine if it was really doing it's job, holding my jigglies down, lifting my bottom, slimming my hips and sides....

No. It changes my attitude. Apparently I'm more open, flirty, aggressively friendly when I'm donning the chicken suit. All this equals to ... it inflates my ego.
At least that's what I'm thinking that she's getting at.
NOPE. Not quite.
See, the secret is, I don't do any ... uh ... extra-curricular activities ... because really, who wants to peel off a chicken suit to get naked? Thus I can flirt & not have to worry about going too far because I always reel myself back in knowing that I don't want to reveal my secret (as I have just done here, only without the actual visual).

I love how she knows me. Now excuse me. I must go re-apply my eye make-up. We laughed so hard we cried. She cried. I cried. It happens.


Daydream Believer by the Monkeys comes on the satellite radio. My mom used to sing this song to me because of the line "Cheer up, sleepy Jean. Oh, what can it mean. To a daydream believer.." because my middle name is Jean. April just made the song oh so special. She sang to me something about "Triana's weirdness" in the song lyrics.

As I'm writing this, she confesses that she never knew the words to that song. She always thought it was "cheer up sweepy be jean" ... OMFG I cannot stop laughing. She finishes it with "hey the world is different when you're half deaf."


John Hurley hands us each a pack of peanuts. I rip mine open. She slips hers over by her purse and says she'll save hers for the ride home. John says we'll have elephant breath. I didn't get it, then suddenly lost it laughing.


We started discussing the karaoke night ahead of us. Neither of us sing. Me because it's just not a pleasant experience for my fellow patrons. Her because of stage fright. John says he has a karaoke system at his house that we can practice at. He also says he has lots of duets so she'll need someone to practice with, as he nods towards me. Hey! That'll work! April always says I act manly! :)

On that note, I'm going to slowly sip my Killians and try to catch my breath. Oh, and I still have to check to see if I have eyeliner & mascara trailing wearily down my red cheeks that are now sore from non-stop laughter.


« Feel me trembling, feel me fuckin shake »
(maybe one day I'll be enough)
* til then, I'll live vicariously *
> comfy in my stone prison <
{ my weakness is my fear }

Funny how through the years certain songs remind you of people who have whisped through your life, good or bad... Sometimes it's so completely random that it makes absolutely no sense to me. Here are a few of mine: [the one time in my life I'm going to err on the side obscurity, I'm only posting song titles, and probably going to abbreviate some names or even use nicknames, but I may throw in a few links to relevant posts]
Congratulations ... J. Lake
Mary Jane's Last Dance ... Wing Seeker
It's Not Over ... UPIC
Spiderweb ... Kristy
Opiate ... Curt
Last Kiss ... Jason C
Crazy Bitch ... Jason Hobbs
Stop and Stare ... Thom F
Chicken Hunting ... Josh Ogg
Friends ... Jay
Tennessee ... CD
Time of Your Life ... Pamy
Lips of an Angel ... N. Stanley
The Boy is Mine ... Kaci
Hot & Cold ... Mikel
Fishing in the Dark ... Ed
This Kiss ... The Barn Cat *** I feel compelled to explain this ... I was 17, madly in love, my boyfriend turns to me as the songs is playing, holding my hand, looks into my deep blue eyes and tells me this song reminds him of me. I momentarily became overwhelmed by him, which he completely reversed as he followed it up with, "it's full of big words that I don't understand." Great. I remind him of Faith Hill not because I'm beautiful or the kissing lyrics makes him think of me, he's tripped up over:
"It's a feeling like this
It's centrifugal motion
It's perpetual bliss
It's that pivotal moment
It's (ah) subliminal"

I'm so exciting.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

et cetera

What an interesting weekend! For starters, Friday I had my 10yr old daughter wax my arm pips. Yep, I did it. She loved it. Who doesn't want to rip hair from your mother's armpits?? Bingo!

After that I spent the night sippin beer around the fire in the back yard to kill the fact that my sensitive parts just had every hair ripped out by a gleeful child.

Of course, kids were in bed. Almost. My 9 year old son startled the hell outta me by screaming at the top of his lungs for no apparent reason. I ran into the room, no child smuglers... He pants tearfully that he's scared. Um hello, of what?! The only child of mine that hasn't ever been scared of the dark is now screaming banshee style. I reassured him that I am, in fact, wayyyy scarier than ANYthing that he could possibly imagine. It worked. He went straight to sleep.

Chinese for lunch
Headwaters Park with the kidlets
Again with the beer at the campfire along with some tasty 'mallows & chocolate perfectly smamwiched between goodnessy grahams.

Bailey's 2nd bday... catch up with Sandy after being separated for a year. Still the same story. My kids stayed the night with her kids. I went back home & guess what I did?!?!

If you guessed beer & fire, you win! Grab a cookie!!

Didn't go to work!! YES! Love the holiday!! Slepttttttt in... Till nearly Noon, just cuz I could do that. Eventually managed to rescue my rugrats from the Slider residence and deliver them to the mistake that devoured my life for all too long. Then guess what?

CLOSE! But a lil different this time. Bree Olsen anyone? Yes please. Partied Super Star style with the one and only lovely and a select few of our friends. Gave up the beer for the night, replaced it with 151.

I did take a time out for dinner at Biaggi's with April ... my early dinner feast! Shhhh, don't tell but I actually convinced her to come back to the party, woot woot! She played the wonderful role of delivering drunks to their homes :)

Ahhhh... all this partying and I haven't even made it to my big day of dread. Ooops, I mean my big day of FUN! [Because after oh, say 25, we just all love turning one year after the other]

Saturday, May 23, 2009

do your thing

is it Monday? Feels like it.

Today I wore a cute white & silver striped sweater to work. While at my desk being Super Triana and doing a million things at once, I added a packet of raspberry peach flavoring to my bottle of water, typed a note into the insurance screen, grabbed my bottle of now RED water and shook it.

Do you see where this is going? …. white sweater … red drink … shaking …

Yep, you probably guessed it. I went from Super Triana to Wonder Triana in .02 seconds. I didn’t twist the cap in my haste to type my note in when the insurance rep came back on, then inadvertently grabbed the bottle & shook.

Amazingly, I didn’t do the up and down shake which would have plastered the red liquid into my shirt. Instead I did the wrist twist and merely covered my boss’s reports with burst of red liquid splashed across like a kindergartner in art class.

I don’t know why they keep me here. Comic relief? Probably.

Last week on my way to the coffee station for some hot water to add to my mocha mix, my boss stopped me to chit-chat as I walked past her office. I get fidgety, because that is what I do… When I get fidgety, I do odd things. For instance…

You remember back when you were a kid (or maybe still are) when it was entertaining to suction cup a mug to your face by inhaling the oxygen from the cup? Know what I’m talking about?

Don’t do that with a mug full of mocha powder. The sudden vacuum followed by the release causes the powder to … well … *poof* everywhere. My boss nearly died laughing. I had mocha powder in a ring around my mouth & down the front of my blouse where it wafted as I stood there in disbelief & horror. I was blowing chocolate snot out of my nose until the next day. Not good.


Last night April & I ventured to Switta Thai to eat dinner. I wore a tank top because the weather was B-E-A-utiful. I forewarned her that I’m going to wax my arm “pips” and therefore have a tiny bit of growth going on. She disgustedly ask me why I wore a tank top w/hairy arm pits. Well, I’ve done worse, and it wasn’t even noticeable until I pointed it out.

Later we decided we wanted to shoot some pool. As we’re getting out of her van she stops short & exclaims to me, “How are you going to play pool with hairy arm pits?!” Well you know, I thought I’d just braid it & tuck it under my bra straps. HELLO! Not to mention the fact that she just asked me that, loudly, in a crowded parking lot.


That night while relaxing at Deer Park after April had left for the night, a random middle aged man, walks by, glances at me, stops & says, “have you done any more episodes of your tv show?” Uhhhh, excuse me? I flustered a bit. He steps a bit more toward me saying, “You were on that local channel … you and another dark haired girl that was sitting here earlier. Are you working on another one?"

Shiiiiiiit.... that was months ago, and he recognized me? Gravy train!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

can i ask...

Last night I ventured solo into Fat Boyz, a local bar, to have a bite & a beer. I haven't been in this bar for nearly two years, when it was previously named Gio's. I enjoyed a taco salad with Busch Light while watching a ball game & the final of American Idol.

After a bit, several guys came in and occupied the bar stools beside me, the nearest one starting conversation with me. After quite awhile of regular bar/sports jibber jabber, out comes the *oh no* question...
"Can I ask you something?"

*** Guys, why bother preceeding anything with that request? It's absolutely ridiculous. In fact, it instantly raises the fear guard.***

Want to know the rest?

"Do you have kids?"
... Yep
"Good! I'm at the age where I don't want to have kids of my own & it's important for any girl I date to have kids already, because I really like kids."

Wow. Did I miss something? Talking about beer, favorite bars, bands, and sports equates to I wanna be your girlfriend?? I need the hand book here. I quashed my immediate urge to respond back, "Great! Go work in a zoo"

Instead, for fear of saying either something completely jack-ass (see above) or anything remotely leading him on, I sat in silence. He must have gotten the point, after a few moments he simply muttered, "Oh".

Well now, wasn't that fun? Geesh.

Now, I apparently gave off some other waves, because not long after that the chick at the end of the bar decide she wants to go to Curly's and would like my company. Ummm, no?

Can someone please tell me where I went wrong here?

I have no idea who this woman was. I have never been to Curly's. Yet she kisses me on the cheek, leaving bright red lipstick marks, after I refused *many* times to accompany her, and then saunters out the door.

Never a dull moment.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

finally, day 3

The final installation [a few days late]
Day 3
Woke up late again, yes! April & I headed to the Falls of the Ohio, state park which happens to be in Clarksville/New Albany, IN... on the Ohio River, right across from Louisville, KY. We had a blast taking hundreds of random snapshots of each other down in the fossil bed, along side the river, and in the flower gardens.

True to my bodily functions, I had a bit of the belchies from the Thai cuisine mixed with drinking the night before. I quietly belched & moved on without a second thought, with April 50 feet away. It took her nearly a minute of ambling around before she hit the spot where I had belched. Not kidding... her face wrinkled, she stopped, and disgustedly asked if I had belched. Unbelievable! Her sniffer must work overtime.

Once while April was snapping shots of me leaning against a tree, she pauses & says to me, "stop sticking your butt out like that." Hello, darling, this is the same ass that has been following me around for years now. I'm not sticking it anywhere. In fact, I'm trying my damnedest to suck in my gut, tighten my abs, tuck my ass, shoulders back, chin up, hmmmm... am I forgetting something? Oh yes, that's it... I suppose I should be breathing somewhere in there too.

After a few hours, walking back to the van, we passed a couple walking 6 or 7 dogs. I barked at them playfully. She dryly muttered, "my best friend bark at dogs". I didn't fully catch what she said so I asked "what?" She replied, much louder this time, "my best friend darks at bogs!" Really? I couldn't stop laughing. I nearly peed myself.


Here are a few random lines that wound their way through our dinner:

(In a fake, deeply emotional, actress tone) "I don't know what I'd ever do without you darling"
(The reply, in a flat, stern tone) "YOU NEED HELP!"
"At least I don't have my tassles on anymore"
"I don't know how to suck it up as good as you do it"
"We share everything"

Monday, May 18, 2009

random adventure - 2

Day TWO! We woke up late, go figure. Spent the day with Ashley at Churchill Downs touring behind the scenes. Ashley rides at Churchill in the mornings as an exercise rider while her husband works as an assistant trainer for Lane's End Farms (meaning he trains Thorobred horses on the race track). Therefore, we had a behind the scenes opportunity and we certainly took advantage of it! We stood down in the paddock as the giants we being saddled, walked with them to the track, and stood rail side in prime finish line positions as the races took place.

Just Right ran for Lane's End Farms in a race while we were there, but unfortunately had a bad day. He started fast but didn't have the gas in the tank to finish it off. Pina Colada, an impressively large filly, ran for the new barn Ashley rides for. She won her race quite fashionably; we had the chance to join the winners circle as guests & be in the "win picture" but opted out. What an experience though!

After a day at the races we stopped out for a drink, then dinner at Simply Thai. Massaman curry is delicious!

Later that night April & I ventured out to see some olds friends of mine, Wax Factory. We danced our boogey jigs and as par for the course, I acted a fool. What fun is a weekend out if I'm not being a goof!?

The 2am Burger King pit stop turned into a riot as I drunkenly insisted on having the crispy onion things on the side. I'm sure April was ready to open the van door & deposit me in the drive thru for the next unlucky Burger King patron. Instead she brought me back to Ashley's where we crashed for the remainder of the morning.

Lucky me!

Saturday, May 16, 2009

random adventures

Random adventure weekend! April & I are on our way to Louisville for a weekend away from chaos.

We stopped in downtown Indy to cruise the busy streets afoot while deciding where we wanted to eat, finally choosing the Palomino. Of course, our usual sillyness ensued...

We're always on the prowl for a GOOD dessert on our nights out in Fort Wayne, so when the waitress asked if we'd like to see the dessert menu, I jumped.

The Tiramisu was nearly too enticing to eat, but only nearly. Actually the biggest set back to eating it was that I didn't know where to start! A miniature mug of something or other, sitting next to what appeared to be a slice of bread, half smothered by a multi-layered cake-like square dressed in a creamy topping. These things need manuals.

The mug turned out to be espresso, in which the biscotti (bread creature) should be dipped. Heaven, if such a place exists, must have a plate of that deliciousness available on every street corner.

I happily made a fool of myself while indulging in a much needed plate of sweet comfort. I was actually so "lost" in my dessert that I absent mindedly blew on the spoon (as if it were hot... I don't know what the hell I was thinking) before putting a bite into my mouth. I need help.


We finally make it back on the road cruising south to the mighty Louisville when I realize that I didn't finish loading the navigation system onto my phone before we switched drivers. I figured April threw her phone at me enough times that I could throw mine her way since I was driving. She grunted and set to work.

Anyone recall my previous post where I mentioned my trackball works opposite of what it should? Right & left move up & down ... vice versa.
It took her a few seconds & then I heard "awww crap. Your phone sucks".
*still snickering*
For a good 20 miles I explained to her how to switch applications without closing them by holding the ALT button w/her left thumb and the back arrow button w/her right thumb. By continuosly clicking the back arrow, while still holding ALT, the cursor scrolls through open applications. Let go of ALT ..... WHAM, you've switched applications.

She found this out the hard way. Several times. All the while muttering under her breath about my wonderful phone, much in the same manner as I mumble about hers.

"What did it do?"
"I don't know, I'm driving. I can't look at it while I'm driving."
"I keep letting go of both thumbs and it goes somewhere else!"
"Hold on thumb down, click the other one."
"I can't."
*giggling* "You can't?"
"No. You're gonna have to pull over and do this yourself. He wants to know if you're safe."
"What? Who? The GPS wants to know if I'm safe? What the hell?"
"No, K*** texted."
"Oh. Text him back."
"How do you normally do it?"
"Just text, yeah we r on the road cruising south"
"Oh shoot. Hey, your "u" button doesn't work"
*giggling* "Yeah cuz my ass smashed it a zillion times snowboarding. It works, keep hitting it til you find the sweet spot."
She sighs. Hands me my phone. Curls up and goes to sleep.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


I fall too easily. I have too many walls. I trust readily. I keep my distance too late. I linger too long.

Last Thursday I was hanging out at O'Sullivan's with some much older friends when this hot guy that had been winking at me all night suddenly walks by & hands me a note on his way out of the bar.
"You're beautiful. I have to take you out for dinner. ###-#### K*** "
I didn't read the note until he was out the door. I waited til the next day to text him. We've been out twice since then & have been non-stop on the texting. I'm not saying it's anything too serious at this point, but I'll admit it may have potential.

But all that is not the good stuff... what cracks my guts is that my ultra-conservative best friend, whom I sometimes feel connected at both the hip & the brain, keeps raving about him. I don't get this at all. She's ALWAYS the one telling me to slow down & stop rushing (and as she cringes, I'm adding this next part for humor...)
Blah blah blah
** I'll expand on this blah blah blah in a minute **

Bottom line, I am THE wild crazy dumb ass that is constantly doing THE stupidest shit, while she is the loving true best friend that not only consoles me & stands by my side when I need someone physically beside me, she's also the one shaking her finger in my face & asking if it's once again lecture time.

So while I've know the guy for less than a week, we're perusing the internet for our big escape this weekend, and I show her a new friend that is actually an old friend but we've lost contact for the past year and actually ran into each other the same night at O'Sullivan's... she glances at the internet page and flatly states "stick with K".

I giggle. Then I realize *hold on* she has never met K, yet she's giving her approval AND encouraging me?? Whoa! Who are you? What have you done with April? Are you on drugs!? My giggling is cut short.

Hello? What's that about?? Well, she says to me, you're glowy & happy instead of the challenging attitude you normally get when it comes to guys.


Wake up call. She, as usual, is right on that. I am a bitch when it comes to guys in the last two years. I get cocky & arrogant. Good call April! And thanks for putting me back into my place with some sweet introspective.
That's only part of what I love ya for!


More funny stories about my blackberry experiences... My trackball quit working. Exactly 10 days after my year warranty expired on my blackberry. Of course!! Rather than pay the money to order a new trackball online, I tear mine apart. Completely. I'm not just talking about pop'n the trackball unit out & air blowing it, I'm talking I tore the thing to shreds, pulled each wheel apart to clean every surface. Then put it back together backwards.

My up/down now moves the cursor left & right. Of course the left/right now moves everything up/down. I love my brain! Who does that!? Sadly, I'm satisfied with it enough to just deal instead of correcting it. If you see me looking at my phone with my head cocked, I'm just trying to drunkly remember which direction to spin my wheel.

Also, continuing on with my stupidity, sometimes I try the same with my keyboard at work, hitting the right arrow key to move up... it doesn't work.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

cinco de whata?

I have realized....

Uh oh, hold on. This could be dangerous. All writings here are to stay here & not be used against me at any point down the road. Now, once again....

I have realized that I'm a lil bit more attracted to a certain new friend than I would have originally liked to admit. However, I'm now fully convinced that a large amount of this attraction is the fact that I don't know if he's at all interested in me. In fact, I'm fairly sure he doesn't at all. Why does that turn me on so?

Most guys that I've met in the last two years are instantly telling me how beautiful my eyes are, how much they love big boobs, how much they love a "healthy ass", how radiant my smile is, blah blah blah. Even how sweet I am, in which case I then know for sure that the dumb twit is definately blowing smoke up my ass, because I am everything but sweet in a man's world.

On the flip side of sweet, I also get the usual mentioning of what a fiesty fireball I am, and that I'm probably just as fiery in bed. Well, they're right, but I'm an extreme... and boys, as much as you *think* you can either handle me or satisfy me, you are very wrong. Very. I'd say keep trying, but I'm really not up for another teaching session of enlightenment.

Therefore, I've sworn off sex. Oh I'm sure one day I'll come around & break free again, but until then, just don't ask. You really aren't as good as you'd like to think you are.


Friday, May 1, 2009


*my laptop hard drive has crashed
*my phone battery completely dies in less than an hour
*my phone charger doesn't work (I actually believe it's the connection on my phn, not the charger)
*the trackball on my blackberry works about 50% of the time - therefore I can't text, email, myspace, facebook, or blog
*my roommate's pc is froze
*i don't know how to use the flip'n remote to my roommate's tv (I'm really good at pushing buttons, but I can't figure this shit out!)

What does all this equal? Technology hates me. Once again, Karma is snacking at my lunch table.

My remedy is as follows:
*Key 2 Eden tonight at Columbia Street West
*Konga Kurt & Amanda Kittredge accoustic duo at the Green Frog Saturday evening followed by.....
*Dancing til I my legs collapse at Babylon (because no one knows a good night of dancing like gay men!)

The really fun part...
I have $27 in my bank account for the next 6 days... and $6 in cash

My official first day of work (where I've been working as a temp for the last 6 months) as a real employee & a $1.50 hourly pay raise, is Monday. I'm celebrating, and I'm broke before I step out the door.

On a lighter note, I have a full tank of gas. I know how to party on nada. It's all about being out, socializing, meeting new people & running into friends.