simple truth, simple friends

simple truth

The other day I read the BEST conjunction of words that I had run across in a long, long time: "truth is the best gift anyone can give, though I admit seeing the truth often hurts .... I love what humans were born to be and I hate the fact that we, many times over, disown ourselves. And that, I think, is why I cry inside." (I will link this when I get to the pc)

I've had so much to write about in the past few weeks, but could not come up with the best words in the correct order to properly convey what's swirling, seemingly fruitlessly, throughout my noggin. I pondered on that post over night, along with some other things that happened. It's all too much for one post, but here's my start:

I cannot count how many times I've been asked, by people of every walk, why April & I are such close friends when we are so VERY different in every way imaginable. What we have in common is one major key that I'm pretty confident all my true friends have in common: no expectations. What do take away from each moment, what do you learn at each bump and turn if your eyes and ears are not open? If everyone you surround yourself with is, in general, the same character?

Along the way, where others both would and have turned their backs on weird decisions or countless mistakes, through time and distance, hardships and other priorities, depression and frustrations, we've been able to learn from each other in ways that are immeasurable and unexplainable. Even if I'm an old crumbling barn alone in a field :) I get the analogy.

*EDIT* I'm so excited, I have a wonderful idea to incorporate into my back piece tattoo that I'm designing and guess who I'm gonna ask to draw this particlar piece!! =]
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fake words

Your fake words found their way
Created holes from crevices, snuck inside
Walls started to cave as I listened to your lies

Words I want to say fall on deaf ears
Meaningless
I swallow them down
Drenching the fire with tears

Continuing on
trudging tiredly down the dreary path
Again, you are not unlike any other

And yet again, it's a momentary pain
An anguish of the almost
The could have been

Yet it wasn't.
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no more

Anguish seepes from her lines
Misery etched in her face

Agony seethes through her veins
Clouds convey through her dreams

Dark rays of sun burn her days
Sleepless thoughts corrupt her nights

No more does love hold its rays
No more does hope build her days
...
Breathe no more
Take away the pain

Something for Triana..

Ok, I've had permission to post on here for a while, but I never do. Mostly because I'm just not as brazen or as brave with my writing as Triana is and what I write about is totally the opposite of anything she'd think of to write. She'd write about the absurdities and oddities or random foul stuff of life and I'd point out the beauty, the simple wonders of life, even in the midst of what she'd plain ass call crap (or in her words, "SHIT").

Point being, we are two totally different people with two totally different perspectives on life. And yet, each day we are still completely amazed that we are still this good of friends after more than 16+ years now. So where am I going with this??

Well, I was thinking today and wanted to post my thought here. No, I promise smoke was not rolling out of my ears. But here's the thought I had today-

"Writing is not so easy and ambition is not so easily kept when its depression that eats your soul."

From Findingmywingsinlife aka April or the BFF of the crazy girl who owns this blog.

fading

Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself
Where'd it all go wrong,
the list goes on and on

And truth be told I miss you
And truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
*The All American Rejects - Gives You Hell

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't manipulate me.
Don't use me and throw me away.
I used to think that I knew you, inside and out; I never did.
I need someone
... that isn't you.

For now, the pain fades
... until the next round
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closet freak

Dad, I know you read my blogs, trust me that you really don't want to read this one.

UPIC - this post could ruin what's left of our friendship. I'm a changing person.

Over the last two years I've made a slow realization, that I now find out has been more apparent to some of my friends ... I'm bi-sexual.

I told my best friend yesterday (I have to admit I was a bit nervous) and she shrugged her shoulders saying, "yeah, I know". I prepared myself for a lecture or some other sort of reaction, it was a nice relief.

It only took a minute for her shoulders to drop as she sighed, "oh great, now no one is going to believe we're not lesbians"

I had to laugh at her; priceless.

what it is

It's a look. It's a feeling when he's near. It's an easiness of conversation. It's the way his face lights up when he smiles. It's how he smiles when he looks at you. It's the anguish that you feel when you know something bothering him. It's the completely calm, comforting silence as you sit together. It's a sparkle in his eye when you say something funny. It's a warmth when he touches you.

It's a fear of the past. It's a fear of the future. It's wondering if the two of you are on the same level. It's uncertainty. It's a wrong decision. It's a lifetime of second-guessing yourself. It's an uncomfortable lonliness.

It's sitting alone in the park at night. It's a single tear. It's gone.
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