Sunday, April 13, 2008

incites to a random me

I don't drink coffee. I don't really like chocolate. I don't really eat berries. But there is an unexplainable comfort in holding a cup of steaming hot chocolate raspberry latte between my hands and breathing in the enticing aroma. Somehow the combination of such unlikely ingredients soothes my soul in a way that nothing else can. Well, maybe somethings can, but not on a rainy/snowy April afternoon. It's a winter remedy.

I'm sitting alone in a local coffee shop. It's Sunday afternoon. I need a few moments to think about who I am. Where I'm going. But most importantly, Who I want to be and who I am capable of being.

On one of my "friend's" blogger site she did an update on her goals that she set earlier this year - a retrospective measurement of how well she was doing at accomplishing her goals. I need goals. I've never been a goal setter. It's an issue that I've constantly been criticized for. So here's my solution: I'm going to start setting goals. My first will be this: to work on a set of goals.

Wow, I'm such an over achiever.

My issue is this: in my mind, goals have parameters. Parameters are, in a sense, limitations to my freedom. As I have stated before, I have a serious fear of gravity, anything that might hold me down. To you readers I might sound insane or just plain stupid, but it's one of those irrational fears, like being claustrophobic. Yes, rationally I completely understand that goals are flexible, but they are just not ME. So I'm going to spend some time trying to ever-so-slowly alter this character flaw. In the end, it might not be a flaw at all. But I'll never know if it could help me be a better version of myself until I try it. Wish me luck...

Traditionally, I have scooted through life day-to-day. Bumping and scraping along life's barriers; testing the strength of natural limits. (I'm going for a 'scrape-ing' and not a 'scrap-ing' in that previous sentence & can't decide which one actually has two p's, in case anyone noticed. It's been a long day & my head is aching. Have you ever stared at a word for so long that it begins to look foreign?? I'm giving up on it.)

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