Sunday, June 28, 2009

closer

Top 5 reasons why the neighbors hate me:

5. I come home at all hours of the night, every night of the week, and sometimes have to crawl into the window to my room if I forgot my key.

4. I am routinely picked up by one vehicle and then dropped off by another, usually guys. Sometimes I might turn right around and leave yet again, with yet another new vehicle. Don't judge, I have lots of friends.

3. I leave my truck at home then walk or ride my bike to work. While that alone is more exercise than most of the schmuks in my neighborhood, I also jog several laps around the addition. That in itself is not so bad as the fact that I still wear the same exercise get-up that I wore in high school ... 11 years and 60 pounds ago. It's not flatterring these days.

2. I don't have blinds or curtains on my windows. Sometimes I forget this. My room is on the corner of the house, with windows on both outer walls. I sleep naked and am prone to getting up to walk across the room to get my clothes before I remember that I could probably be grossing out the neighbors. Oooops.

AND:
1. We have a pool in the backyard. When it's not overrun with munchkins, I take it over. My pool time activity: obnoxious music blaring from my Crackberry while I heave myself around in a hardcore 'dancing' fashion, singing (mostly just grotesque yelling) along with the music. Just picture a cow having speed seizures in a 4ft backyard swimming pool; that's me, minus the four utters & black/white spots. Oh did I mention that I do this in my underwear? I refuse to buy plus sized swim wear so until my hard work & exercise pays off...

I have no doubt that if it hasn't happened already, I will be on youtube one day. Be kind and drop me a line if you find it first. : )~

2 comments:

Ande said...

Individuality is important. I have a neighbour who has VERY good hearing, se can probably hear while typing at this laptop at this moment. She often complains at the acoustics in this house of flats

Mr. Mcknob said...

Our neighbors don't like us very much either. Now that Devon is 16 and all of his friends have cars, our part of the street looks like a used car lot.