Last night I rode my boke. What’s a boke you ask? It’s what comes out of frozen fingers on text messaging, while riding said “boke” after midnight. Yeah, I hit the “o” instead of “i”. Ooops. It happens pretty frequently when texting. I used to have a Motorola Razr & I got used to reading text messages where one letter was a key tap or two off. Now I have a BlackBerry with a qwerty keyboard & my text message mishaps are a little different. Before, my “boke” would’ve been a “bhke” or “bjke”. Personally, I’m kind of fond of my boke.
I often get “covld haue” or such mishaps. It’s easy to do; u & v are so similar looking and only one tap away from each other on most phones. Back to the boke story, I happened to text that to Kurt, who’s always harassing me about my texting skills. I text to frequently, short hand too many words, or throw in a simple misplaced letter. He teased my all night about the boke. Then he later texted me that I would get a “percenatge” of the millions he’s going to make from turning my life into a screen play (why not??). My come back? “What’s a percenatge? Is that something like a percentage? U can borrow my boke if u’d like 2, sometime.” Ha!
One time I texted him asking if he’d bring his phn chrgr cuz my battery was almost dead (we have the same phone). He called me & left a voicemail babbling about bringing a portable charger or did I just want him to bring me a new battery. WHAT? I was a lil confused. Then he called again so I stepped outside to answer my phone. He asked me if my battery was dead or just low. I’m thinking, “well, I’m on my phone, so it’s OBVIOUSLY NOT DEAD” (what the hell has he been smoking??). But he keeps firing off questions that I can barely slip an answer into before he goes on asking the next one.
Short version: Kurt: “Will your car start?”
“Yes, but it’s not here.” (??? I’m still confused where he’s going w/this)
“Oh. Is it at your house?”
“Yes… I rode over here w/April. I was just going to plug it into her van while we’re inside.”
“So, you want me to stop by your house to plug it into the battery charger?” At which point, completely lost & confused (how in the hell is he going to plug my phone, which is in my hand, into my car, which is at my house, where I am NOT. Men make things so damn complicated.) I stammered: “Kurt, I just need a phone charger so it doesn’t die before I get home. What’s that have to do with my car?”
“OH! You just want a phone charger. Ok. I’ve got that. I’ll be there in a minute.”
Did I miss something here? Apparently “phn chrgr” was misleading. He read that as “my car battery is dead” and he was going to bring me a new battery or a portable battery charger for my car. ???? I have to spell things out for him. He’s not one of the millions of Americans that can read w/o the vowels. He says my text messages never make sense to him. So tell me, people that I text, are my text messages that difficult & misleading??
My ALL time favorite though …. “chubi”
During a conversation my lil sis & I have one late night, about our dear mother, Casey says, “she get 600 a mo n foot (not exactly sure how she got “foot” here, my best guess is that’s supposed to be “food” – but that’s not the best part) …
… n chubi bout bein broke all day.”
I stared for a minute. Racking my brain, staring at the letters on my phone, imaging the letters on her phone to see where the mis-stroke could be. It’s like solving a riddle. I love riddles & challenges. I changed a letter here & there trying to make a coherent word when suddenly I realized she was exactly one stroke off on each letter, some forward and some backward.
“c” was one stroke too many for “b” – “h” was one stroke short for “i” – “u” one stroke too many for “t” – “b” one stroke short of “c” – & last but not least, “i” one stroke too many for “h”
Everybody together now, “What’s that spell?” B I T C H
I nearly fell out of my bed laughing. She meant to say “bitch bout bein broke” and instead “chubi”??? Tears, laughter, gasping for air. I texted her mistake back to her & told her I was “pussing myself” when I had meant “pissing myself”. Seriously, the “u” & “i” are right next to each other on my keyboard! This caused her to crack up.
Chubi is my new word. Hola chubi! (No one will ever know!)
The Tao of unsaying
5 weeks ago