cinderella syndrome

They read you Cinderella;
you hoped it would come true.
That one day your Prince Charming
would come rescue you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beauty over wisdom
to fit in with their styles.
Your Cinderella story
.........for a price
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What are you doing?
Pushing buttons.
Why?
Because that is what I do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pretend
for a moment
that you know me

Pretend
for a moment
that you ever tried

Now,
wake the fuck up

You created yourself;
and I devastated myself.
You made it crystal clear
like muddy water.

Did you not know me from the start?
You thought you did.
You should have.
I am not that difficult.
I knew you.

Ego stands in the way of life.
Love doesn't stand a chance.

dark secrets

The bruises are on the outside now. For now, I can look at my reflection & SEE the lasting effects. I can watch as the days go by & the darkness fades. I can feel the physical pain coursing through my body, instead of the sometimes dull emotional throbbing or the often heart wrenching turmoil that has overtaken me the past few weeks.

You will not like to read this.

Closing my eyes, I can imagine that the throbbing through my face, neck & chest is the only real pain that I have; that the bruising that has transformed my body into a multi-colored platform effectively hides all other injuries - the injuries that seem unreal, imagined, intangible ... incurable.

It is my body. I will use it as I please. I am not here to please you, nor am I willing to sensor my words & actions. Do you want to see me as I really am?

Look again.

contamination of the mind

There's something that I just can't explain... I thought the world had lost its sway (it's so hard sometimes). Then I fell in love with you (and then came you, and then came you) and you took that away (it's not so difficult; the world is not so difficult). You take away the old, show me the new and I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you....
~ Blue October, Calling You ~

I don't understand the allure. The glittery goodness of it. Why would anyone want to alter their mind? To cover up life? It's still there. Waiting. Piling up. Wasting away the limited amount of minutes granted to you; shortening the life you could have.

Am I alone in wishing for more? And yet I am so very close to wanting the end. Maybe it is to that end that the fear builds ... feeds.

What is it about life that is so overwhelming? That creates the undeniable urge for you to hide, to blitz away the preciousness of reality?

Yes, Life is difficult. Painful. But also happy. Memorable. Why do you erase that?

The issue is the contamination. The damage. The reasoning behind willfully altering reality. The overwhelming desire to lose yourself. Covering up what is there does not make it disappear.

Why can't I be enough? Is it too far fetched to wish for the fairy tale? To just allow that magic to heal the wounds & bond two souls? Do I not deserve it? Then don't ever tell me I do. Meaningless words. I hear nothing.

I can see.

addiction

Hi ... my name is Triana.

*Hi Triana*

I, am a crackberry addict.

*gasps*

If I don't have my crackberry in my hand at all times, my thumbs start twitching & I will immediately fall into an abnormal state of panic which could end in convulsions and head trama.

*murmurs*

My friends have alienated me & my family doesn't understand. Only my crackberry buddies are there for me. Iv been known to waste whole days away because of my crackberry. I don't have to think when I'm on my crackberry - its so numbing.

*silence*

My crackberry addiction affects my driving & my work performance ... and I spend too much money on it! *sits back down*