words of wisdom

I thought I’d take some time to enjoy a few funny phrases or quips that I have run across/heard in the previous year and of course follow them up with a quick thought from yours truly. Swallow your juice before proceeding….

“I got my Hater blockers on” – from my lil sis, and yeah, she obviously needs these. Sorry sis, you attrack mega haters.

“At least you're getting some! All I get is a marriage cerificate.” – this MUST be put on a T-shirt somewhere. From an anonymous source.

“I don’t want your chair, it might have butt cooties.” My reply, “At least I don’t have coochie cooties. My Dr says I’m clean.” Once again, I’ll leave this anonymous cuz I love you honey & we have enough issues. You have a public image to hold & it’s already tainted by ME. Fricken swingers.

“I’m complex. Like a rubrics cube with pants.” - Thanks Tanner! I died laughing forEVA on this one!

“Don’t give me the Bunny Blink” – I do the bunny blink? Wait, what the hell is the bunny blink? Explanation: rapid blinking of eye lashes when one is utterly confused & not brave enough to say so. Also, the rapid blinking of eye lashes when one is attempting to conjure & convey a little white lie.

Cheetas, the super-fast large wild cats, are also called “Cheeta Puffs” by anyone under the age of 4.

Boo-gul is the correct pronunciation for the word game Boggle, if you are between the ages of 8 & 10.

“Act like a dog; you’re on all fours!” This is said by 9 yr old girl to her 8 yr old brother. It’s also accompanied by a sharp jerk on the “leash” (tied around the wrist – as much as I’m sure she’d enjoy jerking her brother by the neck, I’d prefer not to explain to child services why my son has lacerations around his neck).

“I guess what I’ve realized is that what I need is … is … well … a guy that’s … you” – Awwww sweetie! I know we raise some eyebrows already, but I’m just not up for a sex change operation. Now, if you’d like to fund my liposuction fund or face lift, then I’ll reconsider. BUT, I like my boobs. I’ll only be a guy for you if I can keep my boobs…

“Alone – sex doesn’t count. It’s like the difference between thinking to yourself or having a good conversation with someone. The Pleasure is in the exchange.” – WHO can argue with that??

Overheard at the grocery store – “What have you been doing?” “Anyone I can & the good ones twice.” Yeah, it’s prolly been around awhile, but hearing that in the grocery store totally puts a smile on my face, ha!

Give a man a fish & he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish & he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day. – Once again, who can argue w/this logic? It’s impeccable.

“I must have missed a step in the ‘just plug it in & it will work’, ‘cuz it’s not working” – does this even need a comment?