April says I have been unusually attached recently (to the few relationships that I've actually attempted), and she's thinking that I'm attaching to whomever comes by, in a desperate rush to be settled. That's not so. I have dated uncountable men in the past year. Two years even, but most notably so in the past year. Different guys every night, sometimes two or three in one night. Most don't make it past the first meeting. If there is no connection, then I tell you just so. If there's a possibility, or something that intrigues me, then I'll agree to another date, or two, or three, and so on. There's a countless crew who never made it past the first few text messages or phone call simply because something in particular struck me as an aggravation & I knew it was senseless to continue. Some I continued with just to see if I was right in my initial decision. I have been right every time. The point to this is that by testing all these theories or going on all these dates, I've been able to know what I'm looking for, know what it feels like to find one who clicks just right. When I feel that chemistry, I go for it.
Too intensely it seems. Or if I hold back on the intensity, then I'm lacking in honesty by not putting enough of myself forward.
(Let me just say, I am honest with the poor gents that I just don't click with. I don't leave anyone hanging, although some just don't seem to take NO the first few dozen times & I have to repeat a million times that there will be no further dates because there was no chemistry for me.)
I have to wonder, am I too intense for everyone? Am I that intimidating, just being me? I have so many friends, so many wonderful people that tell me what a great person I am. How sweet I am. What a great package I would be .... for the right guy.
Where is he?
The Tao of unsaying
11 months ago