** I fell off my bike while it wasn't even moving. « I am that cool »
* I ran into the doorway going into the bathroom at work. « I hope no one was looking »
** I then smacked my forehead into the toilet paper dispenser cuz I thought something was on my shoe. « Only I can walk out of the bathroom with more bruises that when I walked in »
* My phone doesn't allow me to send or receive texts messages anymore. « That's basically like taking away my air »
** My drivers license is suspended. « I feel like I'm 15 again »
* I'm a loser magnate. « I attract normal guys too, but I never connect »
** The tiny lil racing seat on my sister's bike is not made for my bum. « I'm sore where I shouldn't be sore »
* The handlebars on my sister's bike leave bruising around my wrists that my co-workers are convinced are from 'playing' with hand cuffs. « I only wish that I were that lucky »
** I discovered that the girls at Show Girl 3 like my piercings. « It wasn't voluntary, but I didn't mind either »
* I keep checking for the message that's not there. « I don't know what I would really do if it were there »
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