I wrote this one probably 4 months ago when my friend was struggling with an age gap in a new friendship. I never got around to posting it, for whatever reason. Here ye be...
I get hooked up on age at times. Who doesn't? When the moment passes & time for reflection rears its head, the hang up is often silly. Who am I, or anyone else for that matter, to lay a judgment that at a specific year in life an individual has experienced & prevailed through enough of life's adversities to be considered mature or worthwhile? Who's to say exactly when the diamond in the rough really begins to sparkle?
While there are some solid arguments of course, the real deal is that people are unique, situations are unique, lives are unique. Don't ask if such & such is too old or too young (unless LAW states so) - consider who he/she really is ... go from there. Allow life to take its course without hindrance from silly notions and limitations.
Some random stories: In 2006 I was leaving Phoenix Hill Tavern completely sober; I was a water drinker in those days. Stopping to say goodbye to some friends, the guy next to me says out of nowhere, "I'm going home with her". I laughed, "yeah ok" - I hadn't ever seen the guy prior to that exact moment. Within a few minutes I turned to go to my car. He followed. Being me, or the beginning of "me" in those early days, I shrugged my shoulders and went with it.
Nearly 30 miles outside of Louisville he asks if I want to know his age. Oh HELL no. Say what? MoFo I picked you up at a bar, past 21, I don't care. If I'm going to jail, you're getting dropped off on the highway. He was 18. I asked for ID.
I didn't turn around.
I took him home the next day after work, at which time I also learned his name was Paul. Funny side anectdote, I only learned his name when I returned from work to find him sitting on my couch, my mom in the kitchen making dinner. I attempted to have some manners & introduce them even though they had obviously spent the day together in the same house. "Mom this is ...." and I left a blank, where he promptly smiled at me & said "Paul." Within a few minutes I was on the road to take him back to Louisville when he smiled at me and asked if I really hadn't paid attention to his name from the night before. I didn't lie. I hadn't expected to find him still at my house when I got home, and I sure as hell didn't give a shit about his name.
One night stand, hello my name is...
I tried to be a smart ass & said, "You probably don't remember my name either, so whatever." The response, "Triana, and I'll never forget it beautiful." Guess that put me in my place.
Back to the point of this post:
One of my absolute best guy friends, Kurt, is 20 years my senior. At times, we are inseparable. Other times we may go weeks without communications, only to pick up right where we left off the month before. We are so close at times that many people think we're dating. He's just that close to me, and we click mentally, but not on the dating level. I'm comfortable with him, lean my head on his shoulder, wrap up in his hugs, but never any further. I couldn't ruin the beautiful relationship we have. He has his eye on someone, and I have my eyes roaming for the one that will one day complete me.
There have been acquaintances my own age or nearly similar that I simply want to shake and say, " Have you lived in a box!? Has life taught you nothing?!?" Yet others with much less time under their belts who astound me with their perception & interpretations of life's events. Thus my case rests. What is age, but a number and a year? There are so many other factors, much more important.
Let life happen. Age is not a measure of person. It is not a measure of life.
The Tao of unsaying
7 months ago