lopsided

Last week I slipped on ice. Clumsy me broke a bone in my ankle on the same foot I broke less than 4 months ago - unrelated injuries though. I hobbled around for four days on a broken ankle (thankfully I still have crutches from the last go round) and then had surgery to place a plate with screws into the two pieces for my fibula to heal correctly (no one wants a crooked fibula!). It's now been two whole days since surgery and I've ventured from my room, on the upper floor, down to the main floor, and then further down to the basement to do laundry so that I do not return to work tomorrow naked (nothing in the handbook states this - but pretty sure I could get fired for that). I used the laundry chute to drop my clothes from the second floor to the basement.

Morale of the story: after hopping on one leg, with crutches, up the first flight of stairs and then Indiana Jones-ing it over the pet gate in order to reach the second flight of stairs, my roommate casually siting on the couch asks me what's wrong with my boobs and why one looks off center.

My dear friends, help me out here - does this look like ONE BOOB IS OFF CENTER?

No. This looks like OMG-if-those-are-boobs-she-has-serious-fucking-ISSUES. I hijacked my clothes for work into the waist band of my jogging pants and covered it with my shirt in order to have my hands free to manuver the crutches up the freaking stairs. I don't look like my boobs are lopsided - I look like I have a demon spawn clawing it's way from my gut!!

No more Miller High Life for you, Mr Observative Roommate.