Random conversation, because you know you wanna read this.
April & I are waiting for our friend Belinda to join us at Deer Park tonight. Apparently we are growing. Sweet!
So as we're waiting... we're talking. About a certain someone. I don't have a someone to talk about, but she's talking. And bites her lip seductively. And bats her eyelashes dreamily.
Did I mention we are the only two females, beside the bartender Caitlyn, and there are several HOTT guys sitting around?
"Please don't bite your lip and bat your eyes at me. Guys are looking."
She laughs. I laugh. She pauses giggling long enough to say, "not all is lost."
"Yeah. I know."
.... she stares blankly ...
"Some guys are turned on by that"
"I can't believe I'm a part of your shenanigans."
While choosing what to wear out tonight, I grabbed a black halter top that I haven't worn since last fall. It's dressy. Silky.
I normally wear a strapless bra with it. There's simply no way to wear a regular bra and let's face it, for the prior 10 years, my girls have been way too big to go without some support. On a whim I tried it on without a bra... It worked! And it looked so DAYUM good. Except for one wee tiny little thing....
The fuzzies. I have waxed my armpits but I jumped the gun and I did it sooner than the recommended 21 days of growth so not EVERY lil hair has been pulled. I can probably count 10 under each arm. I told April this and she squinted her eyes with tears.
I also mentioned that I'm wearing my chicken suit.
Let's clarify this one.
I have some chubby issues. On the days that I want to feel, well, not chubby & jiggly, I wear a tummy tamer that goes from knee to pretty much bra line. It sucks everything into place, as much as possible that is. My daughter once saw me putting it on & she declared it looked like a chicken suit. Thus it was so.
Before I can finish telling her that I'm wearing my chicken suit, she says, "Yeah, I know."
.... I paused perplexed ...
"Yeah. I can tell."
The conversation ensued as I attempted to determine if it was really doing it's job, holding my jigglies down, lifting my bottom, slimming my hips and sides....
No. It changes my attitude. Apparently I'm more open, flirty, aggressively friendly when I'm donning the chicken suit. All this equals to ... it inflates my ego.
At least that's what I'm thinking that she's getting at.
NOPE. Not quite.
See, the secret is, I don't do any ... uh ... extra-curricular activities ... because really, who wants to peel off a chicken suit to get naked? Thus I can flirt & not have to worry about going too far because I always reel myself back in knowing that I don't want to reveal my secret (as I have just done here, only without the actual visual).
I love how she knows me. Now excuse me. I must go re-apply my eye make-up. We laughed so hard we cried. She cried. I cried. It happens.
Daydream Believer by the Monkeys comes on the satellite radio. My mom used to sing this song to me because of the line "Cheer up, sleepy Jean. Oh, what can it mean. To a daydream believer.." because my middle name is Jean. April just made the song oh so special. She sang to me something about "Triana's weirdness" in the song lyrics.
As I'm writing this, she confesses that she never knew the words to that song. She always thought it was "cheer up sweepy be jean" ... OMFG I cannot stop laughing. She finishes it with "hey the world is different when you're half deaf."
John Hurley hands us each a pack of peanuts. I rip mine open. She slips hers over by her purse and says she'll save hers for the ride home. John says we'll have elephant breath. I didn't get it, then suddenly lost it laughing.
We started discussing the karaoke night ahead of us. Neither of us sing. Me because it's just not a pleasant experience for my fellow patrons. Her because of stage fright. John says he has a karaoke system at his house that we can practice at. He also says he has lots of duets so she'll need someone to practice with, as he nods towards me. Hey! That'll work! April always says I act manly! :)
On that note, I'm going to slowly sip my Killians and try to catch my breath. Oh, and I still have to check to see if I have eyeliner & mascara trailing wearily down my red cheeks that are now sore from non-stop laughter.
The Tao of unsaying
5 weeks ago