Saturday, February 7, 2009

bring me down

... Or follow me down. I can't decide which way it is; I'm simply aware of the direction I am in. E was right. Who comes away from him unscathed?

Fucking people just don't get it. Don't get what I'm am capable of, what I truly have inside. All this fucking struggling. Finally someone I can feel open with. Feel connected to.

Again, left behind. Like I said he would. But no, he reassured, never. Always & forever.

Blindsided by my mistakes. When will I get it? Better yet, when will someone else GET it? My strengths are NOT my weakness. I will not allow you to tell me who I am. Just like I do not allow him to. It IS me in control.

I am not the one who struggles with identity. I am simply the one who suffers for it. I have known all along, have been fucking honest, brutally honest. I have allowed you in.

I AM ready for this. YOU are not. And yet you place the blame on me. Open your eyes. That makes you no better than the issue. That does not leave me as the dishonest one.

I'll take that blame, since you can't carry it. What's one more burden to bear? What's one more brick in the wall? One more shadow to darken my way? I'll stumble through darkness, because I have seen what it looks like in the light.

I was comfortable in my darkness, and yet finding my way out. The struggles that you hold tucked away in your mind are ever present, ever looming, dark & burning. Possibly, you were looking for an answer that I would not give you, so you gave it yourself? Scared that our differences would get in the way? Thus ended it already. I hate life. Now you see why.

You are different from anyone else? No, you are the same. You would never walk away? You just did, with such ease. My worries were unfounded? Insightful.


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