Friday, February 27, 2009

medicate me, please?

Here's how my previous two days were "planned" to go:

Margarita's w/Bethany (co-worker, after working 7:30 am to 4pm) @ Bandidos 4-5:30
Then I'm gonna pick up the kids from after school activities, drop 'em off w/Jere.
I have a quick errand to do at the Mall between 6 & 7pm.
Then I'm going to the laundry mat by the RockN Horse to do laundry before my trip & I can tan there for $2 while my laundry's going. Then I'm going to Angie's to pack my stuff & be ready for the week.

After work I'm going to the gym from 4:30 to 5:30, picking the kids up by 6 & dropping them off w/Jere @ 8. Then I'm hanging w/Shane for his bday. I leave for Indy around 5am Friday morning, hopefully drunk enough to sleep the entire trip as I'm riding w/my mom for at least most of it.

I wrote that to a friend to explain what was going on & why I couldn't meet up with him. Here's what really happened:

~Work (check)
~Margarita's (check)
~Called Shane to verify plans for his bday. Became devastated when he says he's not going to celebrate b/c he's going to go to jail & he's too depressed to continue with life. ???? (Confused about how THAT happened.)
~Read horrible emails from my "boyfriend", who is "never being mean to me" but always lacing his words with a vicious bite.
~Pick up kids @ 6pm & drop them off w/their dad. (check)
~Stopped at mall, sat in parking lot debating on going in. Decided against it as I'm depressed, look like hell, and just don't wanna deal with it at the moment.
~Laundry Mat @ 6:30 (check)
~Call from my best friend who has now been forced into the middle of boyfriend & I's "non-issues" - he called her to ask her to call me & explain his issues to me.
~Attempt to finish laundry while holding back waterfalls of tears.
~Tan - although I had decided not to spend the $4 for tanning & lotion, I now felt it was the only place I could cry & not have anyone stare. Also, I would have an excuse when I came out red faced.
~Text Bethany that I need a drink, Checkerz? No, she's going bowling w/Courtney.
~Drove to the wrong bowling alley.
~Discovered my mistake, so went to AJ's Bar & Grille instead, to meet Shane & figure out what the hell is going on.
~On the drive, rec'v call from "boyfriend" saying he was sorry & wants to see me. Told him I'm going to AJ's to get drunk as quickly as possible.
~AJ's @ 8:30 waiting for Shane. (I have already asked everyone to just understand that I'm having a HORRIBLE day, preceded by 28 horrible years, and please not to ask any questions as I don't want to talk.)
~Boyfriend shows up for all of 3.45 minutes, gets a phone call & has to leave.
~Downed 8 shots of Cuervo & I don't know how many pints of beer. Passed out at the bar (THAT's attractive & healthy). Shane drove my car to his place, crashed in the big comfy chair again.

~Drove Shane 30 minutes to probation meeting so he doesn't go to jail on his birthday (still not sure the story on this. Known him for 11 years, didn't know he was on probation).
~Arrange breakfast with Bethany as she lives in same town I just drove to & is off work. Also schedule Dr appt, convincing the office that I need in TODAY.
~Drop cell phone off at April's work (as she also lives & works in same town I just drove to) & quickly explain battery dead, will be back to pick phn up after breakfast, to let it charge.
~Eat nasty breakfast at Bob Evans, trying to soak up foul hangover.
~Pick up cell phone & discover that Shane believes I abandoned him & therefore he has started walking the 30 miles back to Fort Wayne.
~Drive around 20 minutes looking for Shane; he finally answers his cell & tells me he's "used to women abandoning him" - wtf? He has someone on the way to pick him up.
~Call Bethany & ask to chill @ her house til my Dr appt. Spend 6.25 minutes at Bethany's house when April tells me she's having lunch w/her friend & I should join, at Pizza Hut.
~Leave Bethany's, go to Pizza Hut.
~Go to Dr appt 30 min early to fill out new patient questionnaire. Get physically & mentally violated by Dr (don't worry, nothing illegal).
~Drive back to FW to pick up kids from school; while driving, rec'v call from Shane that he has left his keys in my car & needs them before 7pm.
~Pulled over for not wearing a seat belt or using a turn signal to turn, at a fucking stop light, from a turn only lane. Car impounded for stupid ass shit.
~3:30 waiting for mom to pick kids & I up, surrounded by police cars, on Main St. Call "boyfriend" to ask him to stop attacking me with vicious emails, which I have gotten several more of, when my entire life is SHIT.
~Spend the evening explaining to friends & family that my car is impounded & I frankly don't give a fuck b/c everything in my life has gone to hell & I just want to go on this vacation w/my little brother. Go out for a drink w/older sister & can't even manage to finish one Crown Royal w/Sprite b/c I feel so horrible. Switched to a Vicodin instead.
~Packed 2 bags to leave for a week; dyed hair to light brown. Tried to ignore all the overwhelmingly shitty details that plague my existence, many of which I left out of here.
~Woke up at 2am to hit the road with my mom. Found yet another aggressive email from "no-longer-boyfriend" & also listened to a wonderfully well worded voice mail, also from same guy. Cried. Picked up remaining tiny pieces of my heart off the floor, stuffed them into my pocket, took another Vicodin & hit the road (in the passenger seat of course).

See why I don't make plans? Notice that I never made it to work on Thursday? I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm done. Fuck life.

Also, I'm spending 2 hours waiting for my brother to get off work, at his condo, in the scariest ghetto in all of Indianapolis, at 4am. Bodies get carried out of here. Often. Can I lay in the parking lot waiting for thugs to carry me off?

1 comment:

findingmywingsinlife said...

Your brother had better keep you at least safe. The sanity bit I don't think is his area of expertise I'd be willing to bet he's got just as many "issues".
Hang in there, please don't do anything I would deem stupid and find yourself a peaceful, serene place to just sit and relax when you get there...I'll see you when you get back.
In the meantime, sending you my thoughts and my hugs (see I'll give you one occasionally..)whether you want it or not!