Tuesday, March 10, 2009

beautiful?

Two nights ago
standing in the extra large bathroom
at April's house
her youngest daughter lying on the floor
April sitting beside her....
young V looks up at me
as I gaze at the discoloration of my face
and broken spirit in the mirror...
I hear a soft spoken
"tri-ann-aaa"...
"you're beautiful"

I glanced down into the vivid blue eyes gazing back up at me.
What does she see?

Certainly not what I see, looking in the mirror before me.
The tired, lifeless eyes. The sparkle gone. Oh sure, sometimes it's there ... for a moment or two, fleetingly dazzling the world before fading quickly into its hiding place, down into the depths.

The pale skin. Distorted. The pure exhaustion that racks my body from the exertion of facing each day ... Some days riding an exhorbant high, only to come crashing down, spiraling out of control toward a vast unknown. All of this has taken it's toll on me. In such a short time. It feels like a lifetime already, but it has barely begun. One mere decade of adult hood, yet I am battered, broken, and sporting vicious scars. But sometimes, still fighting. Occasionally, at least.

I cannot help but wonder... what is it she sees? Does no one else see it? Oh, some may think they do. It's merely a picture. A facade. A manipulation. Find the right angle & we'll all resemble Angels.

I assure you, the real view... not so beautiful. Not so intruiging.

Unless you are 2 years old. Then, maybe.

3 comments:

Natalie said...

Two year olds are still connected to spirit, Trianna.
She sees your whole self, your perfect soul, not the casing that is holding it in.

Little children have a way of showing us our true beauty, accept her gift, with the love that it was given to you.xx

Aren O. Týr said...

All I can say is that I know how you feel.

Life has been so up and down for me recently.

Far too many broken hopes. I'm learning, or trying to learn, to just let things go, not expect too much, and just see what happens on a day to day basis.

It is, of course, a lot easier said than done.

But every tomorrow, as they say, in principle at least, is the potential start of an entirely new life. All we can do is keep our eyes open, lest we miss the opportunities that are presented to us. For when we're down, we tend to not see any at all, when that is virtually never the case...

Alexandre Fabbri said...

Enthusiasts of the films of Polish director Krzysztof Kieslowski (Blind Chance, Dekalog, The Double Life of Véronique, Three Colours Trilogy, etc) are invited to drop by my chatroom at the Brasserie Alizé on the anniversary of the director’s death, this coming Friday evening, 13 March 2009, from around 1800 GMT. Please pass on the invitation to others and hopefully see you there!