Saturday, March 21, 2009

wasted time

"YOU MY FRIEND, YOU'RE A LOT LIKE THEM;
BUT I CUT YOUR LINE AND YOU KNOW I DID.
NOW I'M LOST IN YOU, LIKE I ALWAYS DO
AND I'D DIE TO WIN 'CAUSE I'M BORN TO LOSE

FIREFLY COULD YOU SHINE YOUR LIGHT?
NOW I KNOW YOUR WAYS 'CAUSE THEY'RE JUST LIKE MINE
NOW I'M JUSTIFIED AS I FALL IN LINE AND IT'S HARD TO TRY WHEN YOUR OPEN WIDE"
FireFly by Breaking Benjamin

This fucking life, I can't a break to save myself!! I have thought all day about the good things that I could possibly muster up in order to write a not-so-negative post. Instead, I sit to write & find a fucking RETARDED comment on myspace about some drama that happened more than 2 years ago. This clueless twit has the audacity to go off out of no where & proceed to tell me how "gross & fucked up" I am, when she has her story totally twisted! The comment, which is public, has sat on my page for who knows how long today. Yes, her issue has a tiny bit of truth behind it, but has been stretched, twisted, and played telephone with until it no longer resembles anything near truth. Bullshit that I have already dealt with & moved on from; cut my losses, ended my fucked up marriage, lost a good friend & both sister-in-laws over.

When will this end? Everything for him & a life of nothing for me. I was better off when he disappeared for 6 years & his kids didn't even know he existed. Instead, I openly give him the chance to be a father & have his family... the shit I have swallowed & continue to face daily...

OMGosh I was not a perfect person & none of the bullshit that he pulled ever gave me the right to become the person that I did for a short time; but there is NO reason for ANYone to dare judge me & attack me on a subject they know NOTHING about. NOTHING. And why is this always coming from the people who supposedly tried to help convince me that I shouldn't be treated the way I was allowing him to treat me?? It's truly a fucked up world.

I'd really appreciate it if EVERYone that ever had anything to do w/that damn barn cat just simply forgot my name & that I ever existed. Ok, so everyone but UPIC & Shane; there is no way I would have made it through so many dark days & had the strength to completely rid myself of the fish bowl chaos w/out her standing in the shadows to catch my soul every time it fell. Shane has done the same for me in the last two months, well he's always been there as a friend, but more now than ever in dealing with this last escapade.

Back to the clueless drama, she's been on my friend list on myspace for many many months now ... and yes, she's still there (the comment is NOT). I'm not going to delete her. If she's going to be a bitch about some drama that she doesn't even have her facts straight on, without even questioning ME or the other party involved (and I'm talking about the TWO of us that were there that ONE night), then she can delete her damn self off. I have no problem with having idiots on my page, there are several there already.

My page is public so that every fricken shallow bitch that falls for his lies can have a front row view of my life. In fact, the front row is reserved for haters. Get a good look, because this is my finger flying in your face bitches. I have nothing to hide from you, from anyone. Certainly nothing that I have to answer to anyone else for. Reality will find you one day & you will see how much time you have wasted. You will also see why I'm the callous, cold-hearted bitch that I am & and why I don't put up with tiniest inch concerning the barn cat.

I cannot afford to.

4 comments:

findingmywingsinlife said...

Hon, I understand you like no one else has, but, unfortunately this post is just as much drama as fuels your anger. ILY though my friend..(I say that while wincing, hoping you understand without getting mad)
And you can laugh..yes..I did say that L word out loud to you. Shh.. don't tell anyone, the bubble might crack!!! :)
Someday I'm gonna have to make good on posting about my take on terms of endearment, like I once told you I would.

Tracie said...

thank you so much for your comment. funny how someone we've never met can feel our pain and frustration and share in it with us... human nature is alive and well in blog land! i know i don't know your situation, but i do feel you. and unlike your friend who posted the comment... i don't see your post as fueling your drama[no offense to 'findingmywingsinlife' whatsoever].. but i see you venting and striving desperately to rid yourself of the venom that can poison your soul. as my banner states.. i vent, because sometimes.. my sanity demands it! so you go on girl.. vent away! get it out.

many blessings,
tracie

Triana said...

Yes, you do know me well. You also know that I don't write to entertain readers; I write to release myself so that I don't keep the harshness inside. Writing is my selfish escape, for my benefit.

Triana said...

Tracie :) you snuck your comment in as I was replying to April. Yes, Tracie you are exactly correct in what expressing myself does for me & in releasing the poison. Wings meant no harm though; she's been my best friend for over 15 years. We don't always have the same views on life, but no harm no foul!