What I learned snow boarding today:
1. Keeping a blackberry in ya back pocket = not a good idea. Apparently, my ass is heavy. Since I spent a majority of my time hitting my ass on the hard packed snow, my heavy ass did some damage to my Crackberry. For 2 hrs after snow boarding most of my keys didn't work at all. Now they're all good except my vowel "ewe" - so I'm trying to write this by avoiding as many instances of needing a "ewe" as possible. If it reads ghetto, slang, or I simply type the needed word w/o the "ewe", please bear with me : )~
**edit** Spell checker saved me! Some words that I spelled w/o the "ewe" vowel were corrected via lovely spell checker! Yes!
2. Don't skimp on the beginners lessons in order to save $15. I tried to skip it, thinking a 15 min snow boarding incident over 5 yrs ago wood (<-- "ewe" incident) get me past the "beginner" level. Wrong! It took me 20 minutes to get 20 feet. Down the smallest incline EVER. Most of which I spent hitting my ass & then trying to get back onto my feet. Not so good. I went back in & paid for beginner lessons.
3. Snow boarding is NOT for clumsy, non-coordinated doofs (like me). Period. It should be illegal. Honestly. There were 5 year olds who had more grace than I. Sadly.
4. Did I mention one should NOT keep their phone in their back pocket? Bad idea.
5. Take lots of aspirin prior to beating ya body to pieces on the slopes. Lots.
6. It is completely possible to give ya self a concussion merely by smashing ya ass into the hard packed snow, even if ya head never hits the previously mentioned HARD snow. 4 hrs later & my head is still foggy from my last spill. Lost hearing. Blurry vision. Simply not making sense. Impaired speech even. No, I wasn't drinking!
7. Nights spent at the gym do NOT prepare ya body for even a mere few hrs of snow boarding. It is OMGosh on ya body! Oh My Gosh!
8. My heavily padded ass ... needs more padding. For real. That snow is hard packed, even hitting from only a standing position. I have been thrown from more horses than I can recall. 100's of times. I don't recall hitting with that velocity from so merely a small fall, ever. And I didn't even have half the padding I have now!
9. I started writing this before dinner, then took a break to eat. At dinner, I didn't speak w/o mentally reviewing my sentence had a "ewe" word that I wood need to replace. How's that for craziness?
10. I took a hot jac'zzi bath to relax after the self induced beating. Ran the water. Dimmed the lights. Set my Crown Royal & sprite (first drink of the day) down on the side of the jac'zzi. Step one foot in. Acclimated to the temp. Slid the rest of the way in. Took a deep breath. Plop... In followed my Crown & sprite with merely a sip gone from its warm goodness. Maybe a new beauty trend?
11. The lack of the "ewe" key & trying to be creative in replacing "ewe" words is stimulating my thrashed neurons.
'Til tomorrow my friends.
The Tao of unsaying
5 weeks ago